Understand humans?

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Regal kat toys fur me!

Published January 3, 2015 by hairballexpress

It’s Caturday, Dudes!

Time to run wild, knock expensive things down, shred the couch, attack random toes, and let the fur fly!

The humans got me new kat toys fur Christmas but dude – Check it out!


What the flea am I supposed to do with THAT?

I think the human must have forgotten to have her coffee that morning, because those toys are fur KITTENS – or some class- less kat with no flippin dignity! Not fur a regal, gorgeous, highly intelligent kat like me!

My choice? Glad you asked- I purrsonally prefer ribbons…..


But, today I found something else I can’t WAIT to shred- Uh, I mean, “play with!”


The new sheets and bedspread the human FINALLY bought FUR MY BED!


Of course, she claims they’re HERS- but they’re so silky and soft, they have to be fur royalty- and we all know that only I AM REGAL around here!


And, the sheets are animal print- (and I’M the only animal around here)! Bedsides, She had to intend them fur me, because they make this PAWSOME crinkly rustling noise when she turns the bed back (a feature that everyone knows attracts KATS)!

And when I chase the ribbons, I slllliiiide across the bed and catch them easier! And I flippin LOVE the sound when I bat at my ribbons (and its so much FUN when I paw at the ribbons, and pull up some pretty gold threads with it)- BEST KAT TOY EVER, DUDES! 😸


I just don’t see why the human isn’t thrilled fur me every time I bat at the ribbons and pull up a gold thread on my claw- I thought that was the whole flippin point! *(tail flap)!*

Stupid humans. 😾

Happy New Year Dudes, Fleabags, and Fluffballs!

Published January 1, 2015 by hairballexpress

Well, 2014 is on its way out, and fur too many poor humans, it can’t go fast enough.

I usually post things to make everyone laugh and furget their troubles fur a while, but even us furballs have our serious thoughts in between nip crazes- so this time I want to meow something from my furry little heart.


We kats know when our humans are struggling, mourning, or sick and in pain. And when our humans lose a loved one, we feel it too! We hurt when our humans hurt!

Too many lives have been lost in 2014 due to hate, terrorism, accidents, needless violence (some humans are flippin IDIOTS)! – and KATastrophic natural disasters. Then there were the plane crashes and unexplainable things like the disappearance of a jet full of people that still hasn’t been found.


Nobody can undo what has already happened, but the human and I want you all to know that though there is sorrow and troubles, and there are losses- there are also those who care and who want to help bring smiles, peace, comfort and joy back to the lives of the afflicted. We want you to remember that not everybody out there is a moron full of hate and violence.

And we also want you to know that someone CARES…. And that there will still be good days ahead- and reasons to rejoice again- and that there are still kind, loving people out there. When the bad days happen, keep looking up and remember they will pass.

When the good days happen, rejoice- and give thanks- and be an instrument of change, love and peace to those around you. One purrson (or kat) really can make a difference!

Thank you to all my followers and furiends fur your FURiendship and love! You are all very purrecious to me and the human, and we hope your new year is blessed, peaceful, purrosperous, and AMAZING!



Shrimp’s Sunday Story: “Bacon”

Published December 14, 2014 by hairballexpress

I never know what to expect from these moron humans…


The human woke up this morning and told human #2 that she had a funny dream- she dreamed they had a hedgehog. Oh yay.

A few hours later, I woke up to this on my blankie-








I’m not even going to talk to them…


They named it Bacon.

Flippin morons!


I’m gonna GET them fur this…

Attention gods of Fancy Feast- Urgent!

Published September 4, 2014 by hairballexpress

The big creature is enjoying her last free day before school starts tomorrow. Playing with some weird stuff outside in the sun-


Making a cake?


Oh MY KATS! I hope she’s not making my dinner…

Looks like the human and I are going to be having a very serious talk!


The “cake”

*Praying to the Fancy Feast gods that THAT isn’t my dinner*


And then, “Gin-Gin, (her pet name fur the human)- “you’re spending too much time with Baby Kade!”


Uh oh. I smell a battle…*(packing up my nip & litterbox)…*

“I wanna be a barn… Because then I’ll have a HORSE!”

Published August 20, 2014 by hairballexpress

It all started with this:



Today the human went to the Creature’s cave to watch it while its parents are at work.

The human was sipping some coffee while the Creature was eating her breakfast, and suddenly the Creature got up and said, “Hey, when you get more coffee use THIS cup!”

The human told it, “Well, no I won’t use that cup because it’s a very special cup” – she explained to it, that it’s a Disney character on the cup, and that it was not only a cup the Creatures’ mom just bought, but it was also expensive and hard to replace because it’s a collector’s mug – the Creature said, “No, it’s a CUP!”

Then the human answered, “Yes, a collector’s cup” – and she explained that the Creature’s mom would be very upset if she used it and somehow it got broken…..

“Well, she would be mad at YOU, not me, because I didn’t do it, YOU DID!”


*(snickers)* / *(scratch)*

The human (tried) to get her to understand that it was a matter of respecting her daughters’ wishes. The Creature was apparently baffled by the concept-

Her reply was, “Oh, COME ON! You’re her MOM! She doesn’t get to tell you what to do!” 😸

That led to a long (pointless) discussion about children eventually growing up and becoming adults and no longer being under their parent’s authority –

“Oh, COME ON! How can a daughter be a daughter and a grown up at the same time?”


The human tried to explain that when creatures get to be old enough to have a spouse and creatures of their own, things change- “like a teenager?”
Then, …..”I wanna be a TEENAGER! – No, wait- I wanna be A BARN!!”

*(human spews out coffee)*

“You want to be a BARN?
why would you want to be a BARN?”

“Because then I’d have a HORSE!”

(Human): “horses poop in barns – you don’t wanna be a BARN!”

(Creature): “Why do horses poop in barns?”

(Human): “Where else are they going to do it? They don’t have toilets…”

(Creature): “then I wanna be a Barner …”

(Human): “A Barner?”

(Creature): “Yeah, the one who takes care of the barn and the horses!”

(Human): “Oh, you mean a FARMER!”

(Creature): “No, a Barner!”

*(human gives up and brews a gallon of coffee)*

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