KAT 9 NEWS SPECIAL REPORT



Greetings Humans, Fleabags and Fuzzballs. 

This is Shrimp coming to you this morning, afternoon, or whatever…with A special report from KAT 9 NEWS.

DOG CHASES PARKED CAR INTO GARAGE DOOR – Daily!



Well, we kats have known fur some time that dogs aren’t the brightest bulbs in the basket – but fur one dog owner, the not – so – bright dog (shoot – that dog’s not even LIT)- is costing them a lot of money in garage door repairs.

Appurently, Fido feels compelled to make sure that his humans’ vehicle is parked in the garage whether they’re home or not…which would be sweet if his compulsion wasn’t a daily event. 

His humans report that even when they stay home fur days without leaving at all, they will find Fido’s face sticking out of the garage door while his tail end remains on the other side -(wagging furiously).

Hmm. Must be something in the doggie biscuits.

FURUSTRATED HUMAN HIRES DOG TO POLICE REBELLIOUS TEEN 



Yep – you read that right. There’s some despurrate humans out there, furiends! 

Neighbors in the “It’s a dog’s world” subdivision have told KAT 9 NEWS that one angry mom hired the family dog to make sure her teenaged boy quit sneaking out at night. 

Whether it works out not is debatable however, because it appears the dog is smarter than the mom, since the dog has trained the boy to bring home biscuits fur him in exchange fur his remaining silent at his post outside Mom’s bedroom door. 

BIRD SUES U.S. GOVERNMENT FUR FALSE ADVERTISING 



It looks like even the wildlife in America is upset with the government, after an angry bird filed a lawsuit on  Tuesday charging the United States with false advertising fur their claim that, “The early bird gets the worm.”

The nameless bird claims he got up early every morning fur weeks in hopes of catching a nice, juicy worm fur his breakfast only to be disappointed again and again. 

He claims it is a violation of his civil rights and even plans to take aim at the Dept. Of Immigration fur threatening to send him back to the south.

KATS BEGINNING TO GIVE IN TO BARBIE’S STANDARD OF BEAUTY FUR WOMEN. 



Humans have debated fur years whether or not Barbie dolls have a negative effect on their female creatures, because of the unrealistic beauty standards she reflects. 

Now, Kats exposed to Barbie dolls in their Creatures’ bedrooms have also begun to strive to look like the dumb chunk of plastic. *(scratches head)*

KAT psychologists say this is mainly due to a lack of PURRoper amounts of nip in the kats’ diets.

This has been Shrimp reporting fur KAT 9 NEWS.

Good day. 

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