Special Report

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Kat 9 News Special ReportĀ 

Published June 21, 2016 by hairballexpress


Greetings humans, fleabags and fuzzballs. 

This is Shrimp interrupting my flippin playtime to bring you an urgent Special Report.

  • Kats lead revolt to spur slow humans to action

There’s a new trend in Oregon that has some pet purrents concerned. 

Kats have increasingly become fed up with their humans taking their dear sweet time feeding them, because they can’t pull themselves away from their iPhones, iPads, and other electronics (including the TV). 

One brilliant Kat, Sir Twitchy from Springfield- has an excellent idea to nip the purroblem. Observing that these devices need to be charged often, he has started a movement among kats in Springfield, to find a way to “Occupy the chargers!”

So far, it works brilliantly, as the reluctant tech zombies realize that nothing short of the rapture or an earthquake is going to move the hungry kats away from the chargers. Hmmm….good move there, Sir Twitchy!

  • Angry Kat cooks bothersome birds 

Well, I think this picture is purrty self explanatory – but just in case you happen to be one of those slow-witted humans, I’ll spell it out fur ya…

Another Oregon kat – Colonel Mustard – decided to take matters into his own paws, when a seagull that stood in his humans’ driveway mocking him every day, purrvoked him fur the last time.

Sources tell us they suspect fowl play (mainly because the snoopy neighbor next door took this picture).

So there you have it, folks. 

It was Colonel Mustard – in the backyard – with the BBQ grill.

This has been Shrimp reporting fur Kat 9 News. Good day.


    šŸ¹ Memes courtesy of Cheezeburger šŸ¹

Kat 9 News Special ReportĀ 

Published April 26, 2016 by hairballexpress


Greetings humans, fleabags and fuzzballs. 

This is Shrimp interrupting your day with a Special report from Kat 9 News.

  • Purrnell University Purrfessor Goes AWOL 


Sources tell us that the well known Purrfessor of Psychology at Purrnell University has had enough of sitting in stuffy classrooms chasing pens and balls of crumpled up paper, and instead of waiting fur retirement, has taken matters into his own paws and moved to Florida.

However, he entrusted his classes fur the rest of the semester to some of his most purromising students. 

Let’s see what they have to say;

Thomas: Keeper of the Purrfessor’s valued library book collection –

Well done, Thomas. It’s important to keep those books warmed.

Next, we move on to;

Bradley: The Purrfessor’s favorite philosophy advisor –

Thank you, Bradley – I can see why you are his favorite advisor.

And moving on to: 

Hector: the Purrfessor’s Legal Advisor-

Uh huh – Well, thank you Hector. But I hope you don’t do final estate planning. No offense.

Next, let’s hear from some of his top students –

Panther: First year psychology major –

Very true, Panther. In fact, some people may think so anyway. Just sayin.

Next, meet –

Fluffy: First year communications major 

Looks like you need a break from classes fur awhile, Fluffy.

And next, meet –

Sandy: Keeper of the Purrfessor’s beloved goldfish-


*delicious!*

And,

Smokey: The Purrfessor’s Diversity Advisor –

Hmm. He has a point there…

And finally, meet- 

Cuddles: the Purrfessor’s youngest student –


Excellent question, Cuddles! 

Well, certainly a lot to think about there -(especially that goldfish)…

This has been Shrimp reporting fur Kat 9 News. Good day.
     šŸ¹ Memes courtesy of Cheezeburger šŸ¹

KAT 9 NEWS SPECIAL REPORT

Published September 22, 2015 by hairballexpress

Greetings Humans, Fleabags and Fuzzballs! This is Shrimp bringing you a special report from KAT 9 NEWS.

šŸ”¹Disturbing new kat haircuts irritating felines everywhere 

It seems that some of your well-meaning humans are taking grooming just a little too far…

As in our first example, “The Rainbow Kitty.”

 
We attempted to interview “rainbow kitty,” but since none of our reporters could catch her, we enlisted a K9 officer to help us locate her. Sadly, he is recovering in ICU at the animal hospital. 

Example # 2 We did our best to also locate “Leo the Lion,” but in spite of countless bags of treats, no one was able to coax him out from under the bed- (But rumor has it that he wasn’t thrilled with his new do).

Example #3

  

Okay, our reporters won’t even appuroach “Doggie kitty -” their life insurance won’t pay enough!

And, yet another unhappy kat….example #4

  And ANOTHER example, #5

  

So, there you have it – the latest trend in “kat haircuts.”

We purrsonally can’t help but agree with Sir Fluffster (below), who escaped his groomer when he figured out what was happening…

 Well said, Sir Fluffster!
This has been Shrimp reporting fur KAT 9 NEWS. Good day.



šŸ­ Photos courtesy of Pinterest & Cheezeburger šŸ­

KAT 9 NEWS SPECIAL REPORTĀ 

Published August 3, 2015 by hairballexpress

 
Greetings Humans, Fleabags and Fuzzballs.

Today I have an urgent weather forecast fur you all – 

KAT 9 NEWS radar has located both a hurricaine and a tornado headed this way – there’s a 70 purrcent chance of the hurricaine hitting over the next few hours while at the same time, hot on the heels of Hurricane Kade,” a pink tornado has also been spotted wreaking wherever havoc it goes.

So get ready to lock up the windows and doors and refrigerator, because there’s a 99% chance of chaos, breakage, and irritation headed your way (sorry dudes)!

Here’s how the hurricaine looks on the radar….

It looks like it’s just getting started here…

 

 
 
  
I’m gonna be busy boarding up my windows, packing my nip, hiding my litterbox, and buying tickets to Japan – but while I do that, check out the pink tornado hot the heels of “Hurricane Kade!”šŸ™€

 

Oh my FLEAS! It’s worse than I thought! SEE YA!

…(This has been Shrimp reporting fur KAT 9 NEWS!)! 

        *ZOOMS UNDER the bed *

KAT 9 NEWS SPECIAL REPORTĀ 

Published July 15, 2015 by hairballexpress

  Greetings Furiends, Fuzzballs and Fleabags – this is Shrimp with a special report from KAT 9 NEWS.

šŸ”¹Kats dealing with unemployment 

As hard as it may be fur some of you humans to believe, Kats also are feeling the stress of joblessness. 

Contrary to popular opinion, Kats like to be self – sufficient, with most kats working at night while their humans sleep.

Kats are employed in many jobs – like this fellow who was employed at a local deli until they let him go- now he is reduced to stealing while he awaits further employment. 

 

Tragically, this is the fate of many kats now as they wait fur the economy to impurrove. 

And in other news, while some kats are busy job hunting (while also mouse hunting), other kats are getting serious about fitness – like this kat, who teaches yoga at night:

 
And his faithful fellow instructor….  

And this kat has used his carpentry skills for his employment – good job!

 
Why, even Basement Kat has had to look fur employment – as a plumber!

 
But purrhaps the saddest fate of all, rests on this poor little dude – who had  to resort to babysitting creatures fur his Fancy Feast –

 

Is a sad day fur kats, folks. 

This has been Shrimp reporting fur KAT 9 NEWS. 

Good day. 

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