Kat 9 News Special Report: KAT PLOTS DEATH OF “Human” – the Story

Greetings humans 😾

This is Shrimp reporting fur Kat 9 News.

• Kat decides to dispose of purroblem “owner”

Well, okay, so it’s after 11. Deal with it.

After all, who actually expects a Kat to be on schedule?

Well folks, this is it. 

Yesterday started out nice and peaceful – the human was being a good little human and got up at 5:00 am so we had playtime.

At least, that’s what poor innocent little me thought -(and we did play, but then,)…

Two things happened that no Kat should have to endure- here’s the first- (and least offensive of the two)….

Yes, that’s right. She got me all excited to play and then ONLY SPENT a flippin half hour playing with me, then got the Creature and took her out on her scooter fur a looooooooong ride, and then took her out to a restaurant fur PIE!! 

And not just any old pie- 

SMORES pie with itty bitty Hershey bars, marshmallows, and baby teddy grahams on it –  and not only did she NOT bring home some fur me- after playing with the Creature all flippin day – but when she came home and the Creature left to go home…..

She took ME to the flippin VET! *tail SMACK!*

I wasn’t able to get any pictures, because I was too busy removing the humans’ makeup with my claws and climbing the flippin walls – but that flippin vet poked and prodded my belly (and other places that I won’t name)- and did very rude things with the thermometer, and weighed me….(Is she trying to say I’m FAT)??

Then she took my BLOOD!! (The human could’ve donated hers by the time I was done with her). *HISS*

Then, as if that wasn’t enough, she said I had worms-(But I didn’t bring anything with me – except fur my whiskers and claws and a ton of cuteness)! 

So because of that, she put stuff on my back to kill the worms (appurently I have to give up eating mice). *sighs*

Then, she turned my flippin ear right side out to clean it- (thanks to that brilliant human of mine telling her I’d been scratching my left ear a lot and that I seemed “sensitive” to it being touched and to loud noises).

The next thing I know, she’s teaching the human how to give me this huge tube of Medicine in my EAR-  (EVERY FLIPPIN DAY FUR 7 DAYS)!  

*sharpens claws *

AND THAT WASN’T ALL!

The vet combed me with a flea comb looking for fleas (I didn’t know fleas like to be brushed)? 

And she didn’t find any at all – (thanks to my Pawsome SERESTO collar) – and then, the lab test results came back (tested fur FELINE HIV and FELINE LEUKEMIA)- and both tests were negative…and while the human let out a sigh of relief, I wanted to jump off the table because appurently the vet decided I needed to have it and have me A SHOT!😾

The human tells me the shot is something to make sure I DON’T get it – but I’m not so sure I believe her. She’s a flippin crafty thing –

Here’s the purroof:

At least I have the comfort of knowing the idiot had to pay fur all that harassment. 

But -check this out – She’s going do it AGAIN in a few weeks! 😾

(But she’ll have to find me first)!

                              *plotting*

This is Shrimp reporting fur Kat 9 News.
And it HASN’T been a good day. *sighs*

Ps. Donations of tuna, treats, nip and body armour welcome.

An open letter from your kat

I'm lonely. Please take time fur me.

Deer Humans,

Tonight I’m writing on behalf of your kats.

After talking to some of the kats in my neighborhood, and after observing how some of those kats are treated, I feel compelled to write this open letter to kat parents everywhere.

Note: the following applies to doggies too;

First, we kats (and doggies) want our pet parents to know we love you very much (even if we do sometimes think you’re idiots). We appreciate our homes with you, and we want to thank you fur adopting us.

But…

Please keep in mind that we got all happy and excited when you made us your own and took us home with you.
Our silent prayers were answered and we were overjoyed!

So we just want to ask you a few favors……

1.) We know some of you have to be gone all day working, and that you’re tired when you get home.

But please remember we have been alone all day, eagerly awaiting your return, and are so happy when we finally hear your key in the door.
Please don’t treat us like we are furniture when you get home.

It only takes a few seconds to greet us with a gentle caress and a kind word…and it makes our day when you acknowledge us!

2.) Please take just a few minutes every day to play with us and let us know you missed us too! We need more than just a dish of kibble and some water…we need your love and attention!

3.) Please don’t play with your cell phones and ignore us when we are looking at you and needing something. We are living beings and we have feelings, even though we can’t voice them.

4.) Please don’t deny us medical care when we need it because you think its too expensive. We can’t help it if we need a vet, and we can’t pay for it ourselves. Please don’t let us suffer needlessly. Who else will help us if not you?

5.) Please don’t let your children or guests mistreat us. Its not cute, or funny, and we don’t deserve it. And if we defend ourselves everyone will think we are dangerous or mean, when we really are just afraid.

6.) Please don’t yell at us. We don’t deliberately do things to upset you, and when you yell, it scares us and we don’t understand.

7.) And last, but not least,
Please don’t force us to eat the cheapest food you can find because
“if you’re hungry enough you’ll eat it.”  Cheap pet foods are cheap for a reason, and often lead to expensive health problems like kidney failure.

* Please don’t just say you love us. Show us.

Sincerely,

Shrimp (on behalf of your pet)