rules

All posts tagged rules

Shrimp’s rules fur the discerning kat 

Published April 15, 2015 by hairballexpress

Greetings Furiends and fellow felines! 

  Well it’s already that time of year again; 

You know – spring – when litter after litter of cute, fuzzy kittens are born and immediately look to me (the expurrt) – fur advice in how to be a respectable kat.

So I’m going to share ten of the most important rules that any serious kitten must remember if it wants to grow up to be a gorgeous, loveable, respectable kat like me. 

1.) Always remember dogs are idiots. 

 

2.) Deny everything!

3.) Never judge a meal by is cover. 

 

 4.) NEVER bite the fireman – (unless he’s saving the dog). 

 

5.) Show the humans how yoga’s done.

 

6.)  Never wait fur those moron humans to do fur you what you can do fur yourself.

 

7.)  DON’T imitate the humans- (dude –  you could freeze that way)!

 

8.) ALWAYS remember to shed on the fresh laundry. This is especially important if you have long fur, or if the laundry is dark.

⭐ (Bonus points if it’s a work uniform or something just purrchased). ⭐

 

9.) NEVER let the Creatures “play doctor” with you! 

  

10.) Be sure your diet includes lots of fish.

  

Now that’s not nearly all the rules of respectable kathood, but that’s a good start fur all you cute little Fuzzballs.

Fur now, go pounce on some nip, take a nap, and stay tuned fur part two of Shrimp’s kat rules fur the discerning kat!


🐭  Photos courtesy of Pinterest  🐭

The Kat Behavior Manual (“Kat Rule Book”)

Published January 19, 2014 by hairballexpress

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Recently a few of my readers have written in with different questions about kat behavior. Tonight I’ll answer some of those questions.

Fur example:

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★ “Why does (my) kat curl up in the bathroom sink and make me have to go to the other bathroom to wash my hands”?

→ (the short answer): because he’s smart.

→ In other words, he’s studied (and mastered) the techniques outlined in the Kat Behavior Manual (“Kat Rule Book”)….

Rule # 2 – watch your human carefully and learn his habits so you can know what he will do next;  then firmly plant yourself in a spot where he can’t possibly miss you. Once there, do not move until he opens a can of food, or gives you another acceptable offering.

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★ “Why is it that when I spend money buying expensive toys and Gifts fur my kat, he will always ignore the gift, and play with the boxes, wrappings, and bows? ”

Rule # 143 – NEVER readily accept your humans’ gifts. This makes you appear to be easily pleased (you are NOT A DOG)! 

INSTEAD, act as unimpressed as possible with your Gifts, deliberately choosing to play with the package and wrappings it came in. This will lead to the human spending more and more money on you in an effort to win your approval.

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One of the best demonstrations of executing Rule# 4

★ “Why does my kat always have to take over my computer when I need to use it?”

Rule # 4 – Similar to Rule # 2, this rule also requires anticipating what your human will do next, and being 4 paws ahead of him.

When you see your human about to use the computer, or read a book, sew, draw, or anything that requires the use of a surface you can lay on, ALWAYS lay on the offending object immediately.

This serves the purpose of reminding the idiot that YOU are his first and ONLY priority!

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★ “Why are kats always so jealous?”

Rule # 1 – the MOST IMPORTANT RULE OF ALL: its all about the kat and ONLY the kat!

NEVER tolerate any competition fur your humans’  time and affection! As the ruler of the house, you are the boss! Anything that steals time and affection from you has to go!

■ See, humans? Your kats are just following the rules!

photos from Pinterest

Oh MY PURRS! I’VE RECEIVED THE 2013 Blog of the Year Award!!

Published December 5, 2013 by hairballexpress
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How exciting!!

A few days ago, I was awarded this super cool  award by my furiend and great blogger over at
S. J. Thomas’ Book Blurbs!  Check out her blog… She reviews books and I purrsonally love book blogs, because my human is addicted to them – and when she reads, I get snuggles!!

I hadn’t been able to post about it till now, because the human has been sick, and I’ve had my paws full trying to take care of the spoiled brat.

Meanwhile, another great furiend & blogger over at Purrfect Kitties
Also presented the award to me the next day! (SUPER TRILLS)!!!!  This is another Pawsome blog about all things kat!

A HUGE THANK YOU to both of my furiends fur your kind words and nomination (this kat loves attention)!

Now of course, there are rules about these things, so here they are:

1-Select the blog(s) you think deserve the Blog Of The Year 2013 Award.

2-Write a blog post and tell us about the blog(s) you have chosen- there are no minimum or maximum number of blogs required- and ‘present’ the blog(s) with their award.

3-Let the blog(s) that you have chosen know that you have given them this award and share the instructions with them- (please don’t alter the instructions or the badges!)

4-Come over and say hello to the originator of the Blog Of The Year 2013 Award via this link: http://thethoughtpalette.co.uk/blog-awards-2-/blog-of-the-year-2013-award/

5-You can now also join the Blog Of The Year Award Facebook Page.Click the link here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/
BlogoftheYear

Share your blog posts with an even wider audience!

6-And as a winner of the award- please add a link back to the blog that presented you with this award-and then proudly display the award on your blog- and start collecting stars!

Blog of the Year Award

Yes-That’s right-There are stars to collect!

Unlike other awards which you can only add to your blog once-this award is different!

When you begin you will receive the ’1 star’ award- and every time you are given the award by another blog- you can add another star!

There are a total of 6 stars to collect.

Which means that you can check out your favorite blogs- and even if they have already been given the award by someone else- you can still bestow it on them again and help them to reach the maximum of 6 stars! You can either ‘swop’ your badge for the next one each time you are given the award- or even proudly display all six badges if you are lucky enough to be presented with the award 6 times!

You can find all the badges and banners and information you need via this link: ‘Blog of The Year 2013′ Award Badges.”>https://www.facebook.com/groups/BlogoftheYear

NOW FUR MY NOMINEES:

* S. J. Thomas’ Book Blurbs
(you deserve another star)!!

* Purrfect Kitties (you need another star too)!!

* Global Safari   A lovely travel blog that takes me to all sorts of Pawsome places where I can meet handsome boy kats….

* Melanie’s Crossroads Another lovely blog that takes me to more Pawsome faraway places and gives me all kinds of escapist ideas fur when the Creature comes around!

* The war in my brain  A blog about living with OCD that is warm, engaging and enlightening (yes, even fur a kat)!

Concatulations to my nominees and to the ones who awarded me, thank you… You made me one happy kat!

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