cat revenge

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Kat 9 News Special Report: KAT PLOTS DEATH OF “Human” – the Story

Published June 25, 2016 by hairballexpress

Greetings humans 😾

This is Shrimp reporting fur Kat 9 News.

  • Kat decides to dispose of purroblem “owner”

Well, okay, so it’s after 11. Deal with it.

After all, who actually expects a Kat to be on schedule?

Well folks, this is it. 

Yesterday started out nice and peaceful – the human was being a good little human and got up at 5:00 am so we had playtime.

At least, that’s what poor innocent little me thought -(and we did play, but then,)…

Two things happened that no Kat should have to endure- here’s the first- (and least offensive of the two)….

Yes, that’s right. She got me all excited to play and then ONLY SPENT a flippin half hour playing with me, then got the Creature and took her out on her scooter fur a looooooooong ride, and then took her out to a restaurant fur PIE!! 

And not just any old pie- 

SMORES pie with itty bitty Hershey bars, marshmallows, and baby teddy grahams on it –  and not only did she NOT bring home some fur me- after playing with the Creature all flippin day – but when she came home and the Creature left to go home…..

She took ME to the flippin VET! *tail SMACK!*

I wasn’t able to get any pictures, because I was too busy removing the humans’ makeup with my claws and climbing the flippin walls – but that flippin vet poked and prodded my belly (and other places that I won’t name)- and did very rude things with the thermometer, and weighed me….(Is she trying to say I’m FAT)??

Then she took my BLOOD!! (The human could’ve donated hers by the time I was done with her). *HISS*

Then, as if that wasn’t enough, she said I had worms-(But I didn’t bring anything with me – except fur my whiskers and claws and a ton of cuteness)! 

So because of that, she put stuff on my back to kill the worms (appurently I have to give up eating mice). *sighs*

Then, she turned my flippin ear right side out to clean it- (thanks to that brilliant human of mine telling her I’d been scratching my left ear a lot and that I seemed “sensitive” to it being touched and to loud noises).

The next thing I know, she’s teaching the human how to give me this huge tube of Medicine in my EAR-  (EVERY FLIPPIN DAY FUR 7 DAYS)!  

*sharpens claws *


The vet combed me with a flea comb looking for fleas (I didn’t know fleas like to be brushed)? 

And she didn’t find any at all – (thanks to my Pawsome SERESTO collar) – and then, the lab test results came back (tested fur FELINE HIV and FELINE LEUKEMIA)- and both tests were negative…and while the human let out a sigh of relief, I wanted to jump off the table because appurently the vet decided I needed to have it and have me A SHOT!😾

The human tells me the shot is something to make sure I DON’T get it – but I’m not so sure I believe her. She’s a flippin crafty thing –

Here’s the purroof:

At least I have the comfort of knowing the idiot had to pay fur all that harassment. 

But -check this out – She’s going do it AGAIN in a few weeks! 😾

(But she’ll have to find me first)!


This is Shrimp reporting fur Kat 9 News.
And it HASN’T been a good day. *sighs*

Ps. Donations of tuna, treats, nip and body armour welcome.

This time they’ve done it.

Published November 2, 2014 by hairballexpress

Human #2 came home with a “surprise” fur me today.


At first I thought it was a new toy….





I hope they enjoyed that laughing they did fur the next three hours…because I sent a text to my great, great, great, great uncle in Africa…. And tomorrow-?


Guess who’s coming to dinner?


Published July 9, 2014 by hairballexpress

I'm so PURROUD of myself!

Well, after reading the human’s psychology books fur the last four years (when she was gone, of course), I have FINALLY managed to SUCCESSFULLY HYPNOTIZE HER !
(he he he)…. *(rubs paws together with delight)*…..


The Creature getting watered!!!

Today before the human left to watch the Creature at its cave, I had a long talk with her as she brushed me and feed me treats.

Little did she know I was exercising my mind powers on her!

I told her the Creature was in need of watering with the hose…


It worked on the Creature too!

Apparently I’m better than I thought… Because the Creature got hypnotized too!!! She kept telling the human she was a rose that was thirsty and was going to DIE without water – (how convenient)!

SO, the human (following my suggestions), doused her with the hose! *(purrrrrrrs)* Dang, I’m good.


But why is the Creature SMILING?

The only thing is, I just don’t get why the Creature is smiling… What did I do wrong?

           *(digs book out again)*…….

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