cat commentary

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Wednesday’s List: (More) Things Kats Hate 

Published July 27, 2016 by hairballexpress

Greetings humans. 😺 ☕️ 

Shrimp here with (yet another) very important list of Things Kats Hate.

Memorize it.

1.) Slow servants.

2.) Humans that fail obedience training.

3.) Vets that secretly work as dog double agents.

4.) Slow – poke humans that like to test our bladder capacity before letting us outside.

5.) Cheating humans. 

6.) Chameleons who secretly work fur the dog. *dang double agents*

7.) Humans who buy cheap Kat litter to “save money.”

8.) Lazy smurfs. *delicious!*

9.) Humans who don’t appureciate our gift selections. 

10.) Having to face the humans first thing in the morning – without coffee.

    🐹 Memes courtesy of Cheezeburger 🐹

Caturday Not – So – Crazy 

Published July 23, 2016 by hairballexpress

Greetings humans, fleabags and fuzzballs! 😺  ☕️

Just checking in with you all to let you know I haven’t deserted you. We kats don’t do that nonsense.

The human is still running around like a flippin tornado (helping her neighbor in the Care Center, and caring fur the neighbor’s Kat, and the pink tornado everyday).

This is in addition to her usual working fur her Mary Kay business, and helping out the Creature’s (purregnant) Mom and Dad and taking care of herself and human #2, the house, and cute little ME. (The most important of all). 

*lifts nose in the air / swishes tail *

I’ve been working hard to keep the human cheered up (it’s hard being surrounded by grief all day), and reminding her to take time fur her workouts and to just relax with me a little. 

She’s also been sneaking in opportunities to play with me wherever she can find them. 

Like yesterday when she was folding her laundry – I invited her to throw a dish towel over me and I even walked around wearing it fur as long as it would stay on, just because it felt good to see her laugh! See – check it out! 😸

 She gets such a kick out of that!😸

Tori is doing much better since the Mobile Vet cane and took care of her right in the neighbor’s home – that was such a relief fur the human and her furiend who knew she needed care, but had no way to get her to the vet. Tori didn’t appureciate it until later, though! 😹 

Here are some pictures the human took of the mobile vet visit – she was really impurressed at how thorough and gentle they were with Tori – she would really recommend them to anyone who has a hard time taking their kitty to the vet! 

Contact Eugene Mobile Veterinary Service – if you’re in Oregon! You won’t be sorry!

That was a few days ago – this is Tori this morning….

There’s a lot more to tell you, but it’s time now for my play session – later, dudes! 😸

Shrimp’s Kat diary: She’s flipped!

Published July 18, 2016 by hairballexpress

Sunday, July 17th (or something).

Dang, I’m so flippin CUTE!

 *Adjusts mirror *

Well, thanks to that idiot human being too busy to flippin BREATHE, she’s made me miss TWO FLIPPIN POSTS!! 😾

I mean, dude. I have to find a way to stop this flippin nonsense – how will my poor readers survive without their daily dose of Shrimp?🙀

I thought fur sure the human had lost it this morning – first, she slept way later than normal – and then when she woke up she was all – HAPPY! 

She broke her usual routine, which had me scratching my cute little head- in fact, she didn’t even go for her coffee fur awhile (bad news)!!

But then, she did something that made me wonder if she’s been dipping in my nip – 

I never thought I’d see her playing with dolls when the Creature isn’t around – but I guess all this stress had finally cracked her!

She put “Lavender”-(the Creature’s “baby sister”), on a chair on the front porch this morning, with an apple, and a cup of Almonds (speaking of NUTS)… 

And soon after that, she put the dolls’ hair up in a ponytail and put her Her Mary Kay nail polish and a mini lipgloss next to the doll and positioned her to look like she was playing with it -(good thing she didn’t see me taking pictures)!!😹 

I was really starting to get nervous –

But then, I looked and saw this text from the Creature’s Mom that she had sent the human this morning, and things started  to make sense (even fur her)!

So, The human had done all that so she could take pictures fur the Creature to let the Creature know she was watching her “little sister!” 😹 

Whew! What a relief! 😸

Then, Gloria’s Mom came – (the human had Gloria’s house key and knew she was coming so she stayed home to be available fur her)- and next thing she knew the pink tornado came FLYING in the house to “pick up her sister!”😹 

Then she purrceeded to put “Lavender’s” jacket on her and get a behavior report!!

MWAHAHAHA!! Oh my fleas!!!!😹 

I can’t WAIT to see what tomorrow will bring!!!! 

Meanwhile, I have to get my beauty rest! 

Oh yeah,…. This is nice….

But this is even better! 🐬

Happy 4th of July  / Independence Day 

Published July 4, 2016 by hairballexpress

Greetings humans!😺 ☕️ 

I want to wish you all a happy 4th of July today! 

And if you don’t live in the US, then I still wish you a happy day wherever you are.

It may not be a national holiday where you live, and maybe you’re in the US, but you don’t see any reason to celebrate.

Well, here’s some reasons to celebrate today no matter where you are:

1.) You’re (obviously) alive. Which means you have a heartbeat.

2.) You are reading the post of the most Pawsome, LOVELY, sweet, and intelligent Kat in the US, so you’re already dang lucky. 

Think of all the poor, unFURtunate humans out there who have never heard of hairballexpress, “Shrimp” (aka cute little me)!😿

3.) If you’re reading this, then you CAN READ – (which means you’re not an idiot, and obviously you can see, and follow thought and read (and understand) – the written word. It also means you have a sense of humor.

4.) If you are reading this, then obviously, you are not held someplace against your will. People who do those things to others, aren’t usually  thoughtful enough to let you have access to the Internet.

5.) You have freedom to decide what you will do today and how you will spend your time. This is good, because not only does it mean that you’re not held captive or institutionalized someplace,  but it means you have the mental and emotional ability to make decisions for yourself and you haven’t “lost it!” (Yet). 😹

6.) You have air in your lungs. Kind of hard to read (or do anything else)-if you are struggling to breathe).

7.) You obviously got to eat today (or know you can)- because if you hadn’t  / couldn’t, you’d be breaking into homes and trash cans looking fur bugs, mice and birds instead of reading a Kat blog with an angry empty tummy. 

8.) You don’t have to clean your own litterbox (That’s what the human slaves are fur).

9.) You’re not at the vet with big, hairy dogs barking in your face, and sniffing your rear end fur clues to where you’ve been.

10.) If you are at a BBQ today, you have long claws freshly sharpened, and ready to snag a hot dog off the grill. Or, the rear end of a regular dog in the yard.

A win either way! 😹
Whatever you’re doing today, be safe, don’t be an idiot, don’t hurt anybody, and fur kat’s sake, STAY ALIVE! 

Put that flippin alcohol DOWN!😾

Feeling judged lately?

Published June 29, 2016 by hairballexpress

Greetings humans. 😺 ☕️  

We kats often hear you humans talking about the looks your pets give you, and you remark that sometimes it feels like we’re judging you.

Well, DUH.

Since we only “eat and sleep all day,” what else do we have to do fur entertainment? 

In fact, as soon as you leave everyday, we invite our pals over and have office parties (and destroy your offices, shred your documents, lay on your computers, lick your stamps, bat your pens under the couch, and coat your keyboard with fur). 

Then we gather around the water dish and gossip about you. Then, (if you were listening), you’d learn how we really see our “owners.” 

Here’s a few examples:

1.) What we think of your lifestyle.

2.) What we think of the menu.

3.) What we think of your workplace.

4.) What we think of your choices.

5.) What we think of your efforts to impress others.

6.) What we think of your efforts to “entertain.”

7.) What we think of your “parenting” choices.

8.) What we think of your (lack of) fashion sense.

See? And you thought we just sleep all day!

Ps. Aren’t you late fur work?

🐭 Memes courtesy of Cheezeburger (except fur cute little me) 🐭

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