cat advice

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Things my Mama kat taught me

Published May 22, 2014 by hairballexpress

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1.) Never stick your head in the Kleenex box. Mice don’t go in there anyway no matter what the dog says.

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2.) Sometimes the humans will desert you in the name of “vacation”. When they do, never let them furget it.

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3.) Instead of going to all the work of catching fish, curl up in a box, and have an accomplice mail you to the nearest tuna cannery.

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4.) if the humans repeatedly sleep in and refuse to get up and feed you, remember the Liberty bell is more than just a monument.

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5.) The humans don’t like to share their Pizza, so wait til they turn around to pay the delivery guy then jump up and lay on the box to “keep it warm” fur them. This is especially effective if you can also manage to squeeze a paw into the Pizza itself.

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6.) The humans will get upset if you lay on their laptop keyboards, so lay on the screen instead.

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7.) If the humans cherish their books, determine which one is their favorite or most expensive one, and be sure to read it to let them know you approve of their taste. Be sure to leave a hairball somewhere in the book so they can’t miss the fact that you read it.

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8.) Always be on the wrong side of the door!

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9.) Always guard the food! This is too important to leave to the dogs.

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10.) No matter WHAT they tell you…
Never trust the dog!

✦photos from Pinterest✦

Kitten lesson two: Getting the Humans to Slow Down

Published September 4, 2013 by hairballexpress
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Setting an example fur the humans

Every kat wants to be snuggled, adored and played with…but how do you get those busy humans to sloooowwww down and notice you?

Well, fur starts, if they have a smartphone, it has to go! Otherwise,a kat has little chance of getting the adoration, snuggles, and playtime they are entitled to.

With those things, they can tweet, play games endlessly, and even shop.

Shopping (which is purrfectly acceptable ONLY if they are shopping fur cat food, cat toys, and treats), just can’t be tolerated, because of the humans’ tendencies toward bargain hunting. This is sort of like mouse hunting, only they usually don’t creep around under bushes in the dark, and it’s never tasty.

Of course, if your human has one of these you have to eliminate it immediately…or it will take all your humans’ attention.

The best way to do this, is to wait until your human is soaking in a nice, hot bath (usually with their phone right beside them on the edge of the bathtub), and go in and sit on the side of the bathtub to “play with the bubbles.” They love this, because they find it very “cute.”

Then when they aren’t looking, a smart kat will “accidentally” bump it so it falls in the bath tub. This will fix the problem (at least until they get a new one), since electronics and water don’t mix.

Important tip: before you knock the smartphone into the water, check to make sure a quick exit is possible, since most humans well get a little upset.

Also, when your human finally is no longer distracted by their phone, this is a good time to assess the situation and see if they are still mad at you.

If you give them just the right look, they’ll feel guilty fur getting mad at you and reach out to comfort you (acting scared works wonders fur this). Mission accomplished!

P.s. The first chance you get, snuggle with your human and purr and give them sandpaper kisses so they know you love them and didn’t mean to hurt their feelings.

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