Kat plots

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Kat 9 News Special Report: KAT PLOTS DEATH OF “Human” – the Story

Published June 25, 2016 by hairballexpress


Greetings humans 😾

This is Shrimp reporting fur Kat 9 News.

  • Kat decides to dispose of purroblem “owner”

Well, okay, so it’s after 11. Deal with it.

After all, who actually expects a Kat to be on schedule?

Well folks, this is it. 

Yesterday started out nice and peaceful – the human was being a good little human and got up at 5:00 am so we had playtime.

At least, that’s what poor innocent little me thought -(and we did play, but then,)…

Two things happened that no Kat should have to endure- here’s the first- (and least offensive of the two)….


Yes, that’s right. She got me all excited to play and then ONLY SPENT a flippin half hour playing with me, then got the Creature and took her out on her scooter fur a looooooooong ride, and then took her out to a restaurant fur PIE!! 

And not just any old pie- 

SMORES pie with itty bitty Hershey bars, marshmallows, and baby teddy grahams on it –  and not only did she NOT bring home some fur me- after playing with the Creature all flippin day – but when she came home and the Creature left to go home…..

She took ME to the flippin VET! *tail SMACK!*


I wasn’t able to get any pictures, because I was too busy removing the humans’ makeup with my claws and climbing the flippin walls – but that flippin vet poked and prodded my belly (and other places that I won’t name)- and did very rude things with the thermometer, and weighed me….(Is she trying to say I’m FAT)??

Then she took my BLOOD!! (The human could’ve donated hers by the time I was done with her). *HISS*

Then, as if that wasn’t enough, she said I had worms-(But I didn’t bring anything with me – except fur my whiskers and claws and a ton of cuteness)! 

So because of that, she put stuff on my back to kill the worms (appurently I have to give up eating mice). *sighs*

Then, she turned my flippin ear right side out to clean it- (thanks to that brilliant human of mine telling her I’d been scratching my left ear a lot and that I seemed “sensitive” to it being touched and to loud noises).

The next thing I know, she’s teaching the human how to give me this huge tube of Medicine in my EAR-  (EVERY FLIPPIN DAY FUR 7 DAYS)!  

*sharpens claws *

AND THAT WASN’T ALL!

The vet combed me with a flea comb looking for fleas (I didn’t know fleas like to be brushed)? 

And she didn’t find any at all – (thanks to my Pawsome SERESTO collar) – and then, the lab test results came back (tested fur FELINE HIV and FELINE LEUKEMIA)- and both tests were negative…and while the human let out a sigh of relief, I wanted to jump off the table because appurently the vet decided I needed to have it and have me A SHOT!😾

The human tells me the shot is something to make sure I DON’T get it – but I’m not so sure I believe her. She’s a flippin crafty thing –

Here’s the purroof:


At least I have the comfort of knowing the idiot had to pay fur all that harassment. 

But -check this out – She’s going do it AGAIN in a few weeks! 😾

(But she’ll have to find me first)!

                              *plotting*

This is Shrimp reporting fur Kat 9 News.
And it HASN’T been a good day. *sighs*



Ps. Donations of tuna, treats, nip and body armour welcome.

We sure taught that elf…

Published December 14, 2015 by hairballexpress

Serafina and I found a cure fur our boredom when the humans are gone. 😹  

We noticed that lazy elf hadn’t even twitched since we “helped him” last – so we decided to give him a little motivation to get off his elfin rump.  

(And also to show the Creature what we’re capable of)…MWAHAHAHA!😹 

  

First, we gathered a little support from The Creature’s abused toys (they were very happy to help)…

 

We even got Olaf and Godzilla to help!😸

 
…Who knew tape could be so much fun? Mol!😹 

And of course, we made sure the Creature will see the poor, unFURtunate elf as soon as she comes out of her bedroom…

That’ll teach that elf….    

Don’t we make a great team? MOL!😹 

Thursday kat takeover!

Published October 30, 2014 by hairballexpress

People have suspected fur years that we KATS are plotting to take over the world. Well, nothing could be FURther from the truth!

That’s because the truth is, WE’VE ALREADY DONE IT!!

MWAHAHAHA!!!!! 😸

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😸VICTORY IS OURS!!!!! 😸

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