Kat Behavior Rules

All posts in the Kat Behavior Rules category

Shades of Serafina 

Published March 20, 2016 by hairballexpress

Greetings humans, fleabags and fuzzballs!😺 ☕️ 

Since it’s spring, and there’s new litters of kittens springing up everywhere, I’m taking this oppurrtunity to brag a little about how well Serafina has learned “Shrimp’s rules fur the discerning Kat!”

 
Rule #1 (Book 333): Do everything possible to purrvent your humans from leaving the house- (also known as)-” demand playtime at the most inconvenient time possible.”

 

Rule #2 (Book 337- we have a system, so don’t complain)… Show the humans the RIGHT  way to do the dishes.

  

Rule #3 (Book 2- Hey, don’t knock the system!)- If there are little creatures in the house, always act irresistibly cute a few minutes before their bedtime.  This insures that you’ll have a playmate to keep you company while the dinosaurs sleep.

 
Rule  #4 (Book 12)- Everything the Kat likes belongs to the Kat upon sight.

Stay tuned fur more of Shrimp’s Rules fur the discerning Kat!😺


Purrfessor Shrimp: More Lessons (fur us female kats)

Published October 13, 2015 by hairballexpress

Greetings felines. 

This is Purrfessor Shrimp back with more of my lessons on “How to be a respectable kat.”  
One of the first things I want to teach my fellow female felines is this –

Don’t put up with any malarkey from those flippin Toms!

Remember, they may look like this…   And they may be good hunters and know how to bring home the mice,…  They may even know how to cook…   They may even seem to be wise…  But the purroblem is,… They’ll make you do things to get you into trouble… They won’t like you chatting in the kat rooms with other kats… They’ll hit the cream a little too heavy,…  They won’t like what you serve fur dinner – (even though you made it with your own four paws)…  They’ll do the wrong thing at the wrong time,… And even though they’ll LOOK like this,…  You can bet they’ll ACT LIKE THIS – 

Trust me – you just don’t wanna go there! 😾


🐬 Memes courtesy of Cheezeburger 🐬


Shrimp’s rules fur the discerning kat 

Published April 15, 2015 by hairballexpress

Greetings Furiends and fellow felines! 

  Well it’s already that time of year again; 

You know – spring – when litter after litter of cute, fuzzy kittens are born and immediately look to me (the expurrt) – fur advice in how to be a respectable kat.

So I’m going to share ten of the most important rules that any serious kitten must remember if it wants to grow up to be a gorgeous, loveable, respectable kat like me. 

1.) Always remember dogs are idiots. 

 

2.) Deny everything!

3.) Never judge a meal by is cover. 

 

 4.) NEVER bite the fireman – (unless he’s saving the dog). 

 

5.) Show the humans how yoga’s done.

 

6.)  Never wait fur those moron humans to do fur you what you can do fur yourself.

 

7.)  DON’T imitate the humans- (dude –  you could freeze that way)!

 

8.) ALWAYS remember to shed on the fresh laundry. This is especially important if you have long fur, or if the laundry is dark.

⭐ (Bonus points if it’s a work uniform or something just purrchased). ⭐

 

9.) NEVER let the Creatures “play doctor” with you! 

  

10.) Be sure your diet includes lots of fish.

  

Now that’s not nearly all the rules of respectable kathood, but that’s a good start fur all you cute little Fuzzballs.

Fur now, go pounce on some nip, take a nap, and stay tuned fur part two of Shrimp’s kat rules fur the discerning kat!


🐭  Photos courtesy of Pinterest  🐭

Happy Jan. 1!!

Published January 1, 2015 by hairballexpress

Greetings fellow felines!

We’re starting the first day of the first month of the new year- time fur some reminders of PURRoper Kat behavior!

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Rule 1.)

When those creatures get out of hand, shove them in a box.

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Rule 2.)

Don’t be fooled by their “cuteness!”

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Rule 3.)

Never let the humans read a book- they steal all your attention!😾

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Rule 4.)

RULE THE REMOTE! (It’s an attention stealer).

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Rule 5.)

Never let them run you off the computer!

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Rule 6.)

Make sure they remember WHY YOU LET THEM SERVE YOU!

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Rule 7.)

Make sure the dog knows he’s just a pillow. This keeps him at your beck and call.

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Rule 8.)

Always coordinate your yawning schedules with the other KATS in the house. This makes the humans yawn and get sleepy so you can have more fun.

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Rule 9.)

Always attend your Nip Annonymous meetings – (you need an excuse to dive in)!

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Rule 10.)

It’s stressful living with humans- take time to chill!

Things my Mama kat taught me

Published May 22, 2014 by hairballexpress

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1.) Never stick your head in the Kleenex box. Mice don’t go in there anyway no matter what the dog says.

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2.) Sometimes the humans will desert you in the name of “vacation”. When they do, never let them furget it.

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3.) Instead of going to all the work of catching fish, curl up in a box, and have an accomplice mail you to the nearest tuna cannery.

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4.) if the humans repeatedly sleep in and refuse to get up and feed you, remember the Liberty bell is more than just a monument.

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5.) The humans don’t like to share their Pizza, so wait til they turn around to pay the delivery guy then jump up and lay on the box to “keep it warm” fur them. This is especially effective if you can also manage to squeeze a paw into the Pizza itself.

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6.) The humans will get upset if you lay on their laptop keyboards, so lay on the screen instead.

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7.) If the humans cherish their books, determine which one is their favorite or most expensive one, and be sure to read it to let them know you approve of their taste. Be sure to leave a hairball somewhere in the book so they can’t miss the fact that you read it.

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8.) Always be on the wrong side of the door!

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9.) Always guard the food! This is too important to leave to the dogs.

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10.) No matter WHAT they tell you…
Never trust the dog!

✦photos from Pinterest✦

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