Angry cats

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Kat 9 News Special Report: KAT PLOTS DEATH OF “Human” – the Story

Published June 25, 2016 by hairballexpress

Greetings humans 😾

This is Shrimp reporting fur Kat 9 News.

  • Kat decides to dispose of purroblem “owner”

Well, okay, so it’s after 11. Deal with it.

After all, who actually expects a Kat to be on schedule?

Well folks, this is it. 

Yesterday started out nice and peaceful – the human was being a good little human and got up at 5:00 am so we had playtime.

At least, that’s what poor innocent little me thought -(and we did play, but then,)…

Two things happened that no Kat should have to endure- here’s the first- (and least offensive of the two)….

Yes, that’s right. She got me all excited to play and then ONLY SPENT a flippin half hour playing with me, then got the Creature and took her out on her scooter fur a looooooooong ride, and then took her out to a restaurant fur PIE!! 

And not just any old pie- 

SMORES pie with itty bitty Hershey bars, marshmallows, and baby teddy grahams on it –  and not only did she NOT bring home some fur me- after playing with the Creature all flippin day – but when she came home and the Creature left to go home…..

She took ME to the flippin VET! *tail SMACK!*

I wasn’t able to get any pictures, because I was too busy removing the humans’ makeup with my claws and climbing the flippin walls – but that flippin vet poked and prodded my belly (and other places that I won’t name)- and did very rude things with the thermometer, and weighed me….(Is she trying to say I’m FAT)??

Then she took my BLOOD!! (The human could’ve donated hers by the time I was done with her). *HISS*

Then, as if that wasn’t enough, she said I had worms-(But I didn’t bring anything with me – except fur my whiskers and claws and a ton of cuteness)! 

So because of that, she put stuff on my back to kill the worms (appurently I have to give up eating mice). *sighs*

Then, she turned my flippin ear right side out to clean it- (thanks to that brilliant human of mine telling her I’d been scratching my left ear a lot and that I seemed “sensitive” to it being touched and to loud noises).

The next thing I know, she’s teaching the human how to give me this huge tube of Medicine in my EAR-  (EVERY FLIPPIN DAY FUR 7 DAYS)!  

*sharpens claws *


The vet combed me with a flea comb looking for fleas (I didn’t know fleas like to be brushed)? 

And she didn’t find any at all – (thanks to my Pawsome SERESTO collar) – and then, the lab test results came back (tested fur FELINE HIV and FELINE LEUKEMIA)- and both tests were negative…and while the human let out a sigh of relief, I wanted to jump off the table because appurently the vet decided I needed to have it and have me A SHOT!😾

The human tells me the shot is something to make sure I DON’T get it – but I’m not so sure I believe her. She’s a flippin crafty thing –

Here’s the purroof:

At least I have the comfort of knowing the idiot had to pay fur all that harassment. 

But -check this out – She’s going do it AGAIN in a few weeks! 😾

(But she’ll have to find me first)!


This is Shrimp reporting fur Kat 9 News.
And it HASN’T been a good day. *sighs*

Ps. Donations of tuna, treats, nip and body armour welcome.

Kat 9 News Special Report 

Published June 21, 2016 by hairballexpress

Greetings humans, fleabags and fuzzballs. 

This is Shrimp interrupting my flippin playtime to bring you an urgent Special Report.

  • Kats lead revolt to spur slow humans to action

There’s a new trend in Oregon that has some pet purrents concerned. 

Kats have increasingly become fed up with their humans taking their dear sweet time feeding them, because they can’t pull themselves away from their iPhones, iPads, and other electronics (including the TV). 

One brilliant Kat, Sir Twitchy from Springfield- has an excellent idea to nip the purroblem. Observing that these devices need to be charged often, he has started a movement among kats in Springfield, to find a way to “Occupy the chargers!”

So far, it works brilliantly, as the reluctant tech zombies realize that nothing short of the rapture or an earthquake is going to move the hungry kats away from the chargers. Hmmm….good move there, Sir Twitchy!

  • Angry Kat cooks bothersome birds 

Well, I think this picture is purrty self explanatory – but just in case you happen to be one of those slow-witted humans, I’ll spell it out fur ya…

Another Oregon kat – Colonel Mustard – decided to take matters into his own paws, when a seagull that stood in his humans’ driveway mocking him every day, purrvoked him fur the last time.

Sources tell us they suspect fowl play (mainly because the snoopy neighbor next door took this picture).

So there you have it, folks. 

It was Colonel Mustard – in the backyard – with the BBQ grill.

This has been Shrimp reporting fur Kat 9 News. Good day.

    🐹 Memes courtesy of Cheezeburger 🐹


Published September 22, 2015 by hairballexpress

Greetings Humans, Fleabags and Fuzzballs! This is Shrimp bringing you a special report from KAT 9 NEWS.

🔹Disturbing new kat haircuts irritating felines everywhere 

It seems that some of your well-meaning humans are taking grooming just a little too far…

As in our first example, “The Rainbow Kitty.”

We attempted to interview “rainbow kitty,” but since none of our reporters could catch her, we enlisted a K9 officer to help us locate her. Sadly, he is recovering in ICU at the animal hospital. 

Example # 2 We did our best to also locate “Leo the Lion,” but in spite of countless bags of treats, no one was able to coax him out from under the bed- (But rumor has it that he wasn’t thrilled with his new do).

Example #3


Okay, our reporters won’t even appuroach “Doggie kitty -” their life insurance won’t pay enough!

And, yet another unhappy kat….example #4

  And ANOTHER example, #5


So, there you have it – the latest trend in “kat haircuts.”

We purrsonally can’t help but agree with Sir Fluffster (below), who escaped his groomer when he figured out what was happening…

 Well said, Sir Fluffster!
This has been Shrimp reporting fur KAT 9 NEWS. Good day.

🐭 Photos courtesy of Pinterest & Cheezeburger 🐭

The humans and I are SO Flippin HISSED!😾

Published July 22, 2015 by hairballexpress

I usually want my posts to bring a smile to everyone who reads them, but today I have to get something off my furry little chest! 😾

Today the Creature’s Mom took Serafina to the vet to find out why she was constantly searching fur food, even minutes after being fed her wet food – even though her kibble dish was full –


Well, it turns out that Serafina isn’t purregnant (they were starting to wonder)- but the reason has to do with something that happened to her BEFORE she was taken to the Humane Society – and we are all HISSING MAD!

This is Serafina today at the vets’ office… 


We found out the reason she wasn’t eating her dry food, was because she has broken teeth still from the “owners” who had her before and had left her at the Humane Society – 

They had told the Creature’s parents when they adopted Serafina that she had been there and been returned before and that she’d “had to have some of her teeth removed….”

But today the vet says Serafina still has a couple of broken teeth, and that she has a (healed) laceration in her tongue, and that her eye socket had been broken (and is swollen)!😿

These are old injuries she had before being adopted by the Creature’s parents – and she appurently wasn’t able to eat the kibble without pain, so she just tried not to eat it! 

The thing is, the vet said “…Someone had to have hit her in the face with something really hard to have done all that damage -” the teeth that had been removed had been shattered, the tongue lacerated, and the eye socket broken!

The humans and I are heartbroken that our little purrincess has been abused – how can anyone look at that little face and purrposely hurt her?

And, they’re upset because the vet said she may also have an infection in her lower lung – because when she plays (and runs), she pants like a dog!

Please purray fur our Serafina baby – We just want to shower her with love – (which we did before) – but  especially now, knowing what she’s been through!

She deserves the very best – and while we are so thankful that God brought her to us, we are so angry that she was deliberately harmed before!

This is the new kibble the vet recommended fur her today….

This is the back of the bag….


And Serafina can EAT IT!! 😺 SHE DOVE INTO IT IMMEDIATELY AND GOBBLED IT RIGHT UP! The pieces are very small and thinner than a treat – so she can eat it just fine! And the vet said to give her more wet food – 

We are so glad she’s home where she belongs now and where NO ONE CAN EVER HURT HER AGAIN! 💚

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