Deer Santa Claws

Published December 19, 2014 by hairballexpress

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Deer Santa Claws,

Let me explain…

First of all, the hedgehog fell in the toilet on accident- you see, the human had just cleaned the bathroom and the toilet seat was slippery- I tried to help him, but the human had JUST CLIPPED MY CLAWS that very morning (too short, I might add)- so when I tried to help the poor little dude, I couldn’t get a good grip.

And about knocking the Christmas tree down, I was just checking to make sure the human had watered it- how was I supposed to know she didn’t water it at the top?

And about eating the roses in Mom Bonzo’s garden,well, I was just trying to show my approval of her gardening skills- and anyway, I couldn’t have eaten more than 3,250 fur the whole summer… (I’ve really been purracticing self control)!

And yes, I hissed at the creepy neighbor next door because he peeked In the bedroom window, and no I’m NOT sorry, and YES, I’LL DO IT AGAIN, because the bedroom is MY CASTLE, and anyway, he smells like a dirty ashtray! (HISS)!

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And yes, I shredded the couch, but I only did it because I was trying to help the human convince her husband that they need new FURniture! So you see, it was really a public service! 😺

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And yes, I know I should let the Creature dress me in doll clothes, paint my claws, put band aids on my ears, and barrettes on my tail, but, COME ON MAN! GIVE A KAT A BREAK!

And by the way, you MIGHT want to consider doing a background check on those elves of yours… This is what the human found when she walked into the Creature’s house this morning:

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I think you should add HIM to your naughty list!

Sincerely,

Your favorite kat, Shrimp 🐭

37 comments on “Deer Santa Claws”

  • “And yes, I know I should let the Creature dress me in doll clothes, paint my claws, put band aids on my ears, and barrettes on my tail, but” – NO, you should not let the Creature do all that to you! You should at maximum let the creature pet you. Anything else the creature needs to learn how NOT to treat a cat – and so your defense is absolutely justified.

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  • Hey sweetie, you don’t need to explain anything to Santa. You didn’t do anything wrong! It’s not your fault that this stalking hedgehog was clumsy. And it’s not your fault that the tree was too weak to hold your weight. 🎄As for Mom BonZo’s roses… they are way too delicious to resist, right? 🌹🌹So it’s the roses fault you ate them, not yours. And there’s nothing wrong with hissing at creepy neighbors either. You were only protecting what’s yours, right? Nothing wrong with that either. As for letting the CREATURE dress you… every KAT should have a right of her OWN style. So if you don’t like to be dressed in doll clothes she should respect your wish. After all, you have a reputation to uphold. What would the neighbor’s kats think if they saw you dressed in doll clothes! 💃 They would have a field day! You’d be a laughing stock!! You would never be able to face them again… EVER! (*shudders*) 🙀😼 So don’t you worry, Santa understands… 😉

    Purrs and a surprise present for ya! 🎁
    xx Roxy & Tigerlino ❤

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  • Awwwww, Shrimp, I stopped blogging on Furday, so that is why I didn’t comment here. I laughed all the way through (of course) and when I got to the part about my flowers, I burst out laughing out loud. Sorry about calling you a brat over on Petals. You pulled me from off the couch though, really. Anyways …. YOU can eat to your little fur heart’s content all the flowers you want on Petals. There will be more coming, I promise. There is also a surprise comin’ your way this week … YOU will SEE Mom BonZo on her Christmas Wish List post. MOL! (((HUGS))) MB

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