The Kat Behavior Manual (“Kat Rule Book”)

Published January 19, 2014 by hairballexpress


Recently a few of my readers have written in with different questions about kat behavior. Tonight I’ll answer some of those questions.

Fur example:


★ “Why does (my) kat curl up in the bathroom sink and make me have to go to the other bathroom to wash my hands”?

→ (the short answer): because he’s smart.

→ In other words, he’s studied (and mastered) the techniques outlined in the Kat Behavior Manual (“Kat Rule Book”)….

Rule # 2 – watch your human carefully and learn his habits so you can know what he will do next;  then firmly plant yourself in a spot where he can’t possibly miss you. Once there, do not move until he opens a can of food, or gives you another acceptable offering.


★ “Why is it that when I spend money buying expensive toys and Gifts fur my kat, he will always ignore the gift, and play with the boxes, wrappings, and bows? ”

Rule # 143 – NEVER readily accept your humans’ gifts. This makes you appear to be easily pleased (you are NOT A DOG)! 

INSTEAD, act as unimpressed as possible with your Gifts, deliberately choosing to play with the package and wrappings it came in. This will lead to the human spending more and more money on you in an effort to win your approval.


One of the best demonstrations of executing Rule# 4

★ “Why does my kat always have to take over my computer when I need to use it?”

Rule # 4 – Similar to Rule # 2, this rule also requires anticipating what your human will do next, and being 4 paws ahead of him.

When you see your human about to use the computer, or read a book, sew, draw, or anything that requires the use of a surface you can lay on, ALWAYS lay on the offending object immediately.

This serves the purpose of reminding the idiot that YOU are his first and ONLY priority!


★ “Why are kats always so jealous?”

Rule # 1 – the MOST IMPORTANT RULE OF ALL: its all about the kat and ONLY the kat!

NEVER tolerate any competition fur your humans’  time and affection! As the ruler of the house, you are the boss! Anything that steals time and affection from you has to go!

■ See, humans? Your kats are just following the rules!

photos from Pinterest


14 comments on “The Kat Behavior Manual (“Kat Rule Book”)

  • Whatever you do, Shrimp, do not let the Kat Behavior Manual fall into the hands…or should I say paws…of a Dog. That way the enemy doesn’t know what scratched them.
    I wonder what the other rules are…?

    Thanks for sharing, my furry pal!



  • Yep, humans! We’re just following those rules! 😆

    Thanks Shrimp for taking it upon yourself to educate the humans. We know it’s a pain in the a** to get them to understand things… so you’re our hero for trying… 😉

    xoxo Roxy & Tigerlino


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